A New Year, A NEW YOU…

What are you seeking to change this year?  What intentions have you set for yourself this new year? 

Whenever a new year begins, multitudes of people on this planet make “resolutions” or set “intentions” and try to commit to something new, change something about themselves or perhaps commit to breaking a bad habit that’s been plaguing them.   

We get all gung-ho in the first month and then somehow the thing we desired gets hard to achieve and our ambition peters out.  Why does this happen?

I think it happens because we realize after week two how really hard it is, that just because we set our minds to good intentions, doesn’t mean we won’t experience setbacks, temptations, distractions or disappointments and when we do, we are thrown off track and wave our white flag (the “I give up!” flag). 

So how do we become truly successful at carrying out these radical resolutions or intense intentions?

Here’s a few important concepts to keep in mind if you want to be successful…

Have PATIENCE!

My roller coaster ride with exercise will be my example.  Exercise and me are NOT friends!  My elliptical machine has spent more time with dust than with me!  I know that one of the big reasons is because of my impatience.  I will give the elliptical a whirl for a week, but if my only result is that I am sore and uncomfortably sweaty afterwards, then I tend to think my efforts are for nothing.  I would start to think, is this really worth the effort?  Looking back, I realize that after one week I can’t even call it effort!  Effort would be to have some patience and stick it out longer than a mere week.  I realized that my problem is impatience, not my dislike for exercise.  Maybe impatience has been your problem in the past too. 

Check the ATTITUDE and EXCUSES

Does your attitude get stinky when it gets hard?  Mine does.  My attitude can go from “I am going to do this!”  to “I am NOT doing this anymore!” at the first sign of struggle. 

Sometimes I don’t even start out with the right attitude at all, especially when we are talking about exercising for example.  I drag my feet and mope and feel sorry for myself that I have to make the intention or commitment to exercise in the first place!  I might have a sour attitude about the fact that I need to exercise and choose what I eat wisely because I am not twenty anymore, I have had children and I sit at a desk job all day. Those are realities I cannot change, but my attitude is flexible and changing it will do me a lot of good if I truly want to stay the course of my commitment to exercise. 

I have also had a fabulous time twisting all this around into an excuse.  I have many times come up with the excuse that I can’t exercise because I am older now and it hurts too much (that’s only because I do it so infrequently!) and I have children so I am too busy and I am too tired after work so I don’t have the energy.  All EXCUSES!  (can’t believe I just admitted that!).  

My attitude needs to take into account my realities, but not let me use those realities as excuses not to do something that I know is beneficial for me in the long run. Does your attitude stop you before you even begin?  Does it turn sour along the way and let excuses take over?  Check your attitude and make sure that it’s not the gateway for excuses!

THOUGHTS and FOCUS

Set your mind to what you want to see and think good thoughts along the way to where you are headed.  Don’t focus on what you are not or what you have not yet achieved.  Don’t focus on the shortcomings of yourself – focus on what lies ahead and the little successes if you keep pressing forward with your intention or commitment.  I have the bad habit of looking at where I am today and being disappointed that I have not yet reached my goals.  I may think thoughts like, you’ll never do it, why bother, it’s no use anyway.  All very discouraging thoughts that make giving up so tempting.  I have learned that I need to align my thoughts with what I intend to accomplish and not let my focus veer off in a negative direction. 

I need to think thoughts like, I can do this, it’s hard but I am going to press on, giving up is not an option, I am too committed to stop and I can learn to enjoy this journey. 

What thoughts can you think that will empower you to stay committed to your goals and intentions?

Start thinking those thoughts instead of self-defeating negative thoughts!

WORDS Matter

Do you sabotage your success through your words?  When we speak words out loud, it makes a big impact on our thoughts and in turn our thoughts when spoken also have a powerful effect.  For example, I have said out loud to whom ever will listen “I dread going on the elliptical, I don’t think it’s working, it’s a real chore!”.  The more I speak words like this out loud, the more opportunity I give for someone to come along and say “Yeah, that elliptical machine is really hard, you should take a break from it.” And there it is!  There’s my permission to not go on it that night!  I set the whole thing up without even realizing it.  Deep down, it started with a negative thought that turned into spoken words and before long I found someone to agree with me and give me the validation and permission I was seeking!  How often do we say something out loud looking for validation and permission from some outside source to kick an excuse in the way of our potential success?  We have to choose our words wisely when we are trying to stay committed to something.  We have to stick with more positive words like, “it’s hard, but I am committed and determined”.  Don’t be led by dread!  And don’t allow your words to set you up for self-sabotage.

Set REALISTIC GOALS

Sometimes we get overly ambitious and set the bar so high for ourselves that it is impossible to achieve it and we feel like a failure in no time. Overly ambitious goals can be set you up for a quick defeat.  Start slow, ease in, give yourself time to adjust to what you are trying to achieve.  Don’t get upset at the first set back.  Just start again.  Keep starting again if you have to.  I remember when I started my own commitment to exercise it began with the simple task of just taking the dog for a walk.  As the days got shorter and the weather less cooperative, I was forced to take my routine inside to the elliptical.  It was easier since I had already eased in to the idea of daily exercise.  I also didn’t get upset at myself if I missed a day or two or even three.  The point is that I was starting to do something new and I needed time to adjust to it.  I had to keep my expectations flexible and within reach. We all need to do that when we start something new.  We need to give ourselves a period of adjustment, ease in and not set the bar too high.  Once a routine is set, or a new habit formed, it becomes easier to add more goals to your original plan.

Have CONFIDENCE and DON’T COMPARE

One of the biggest setbacks that can throw any intention off track and cause us to lose our confidence is when we compare ourselves or our progress to someone else’s.  If you’re like many of us, someone else’s success may not always inspire you.  In fact, it may just send you into a downward spiral of discouragement.  For me, I have to just stick to my plan no matter what other people are doing.  When I am focused on changing myself in any way, it doesn’t help when I hang out with Gloating Gilda or Bragging Briana.  But, even if I did hang out with friends like that, I have to keep out of the danger zone of comparing myself to them.  Maybe they exercise every day for an hour with a smile on their face or simply think about exercise and lose a pound, but for me, if I can even speak the word “elliptical” without making a face of disgust, never mind even getting on the thing, I call that a good day! We all have our own way of approaching our goals and what works for one may not work for all.  Our progress cannot be contingent upon how we compare to someone else.  We are individuals and our confidence should come from our own definition of success, not someone else’s. 

DETERMINATION, PERSISTENCE and PERSERVERANCE

 “If you can’t fly, then run, if you can’t run, then walk, if you can’t walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” 

Martin Luther King Jr.

Need I say more?  No matter how you do it, how long it takes you or how many obstacles get put in your path, the key to success with intentions is to keep pressing on through it all.

PERFECTION STOPS PROGRESS

Do you leave room in your intentions to be human?  Things come up, things change, life throws curve balls and if we are inflexible to go with the flow of life, we will set ourselves up every time for complete disappointment.  Perfection never helps us achieve goals, commitments or intentions any faster or any better than if we just allow the human part of us to take the lead.  The perfectionist says, “if I can’t do it this way, on this day, at this time, with this circumstance then it cannot be done.”  The human says, “if I can’t do it this way, I’ll do it that way, if I can’t do it on this day, then I will do it that day, if I can’t do it at this time then I will do it at that time and if I can’t do it under these circumstances then I will do it anyway because it needs to be done!”  If we wait for everything to be perfect or if we expect to never have a failure or setback, we are setting ourselves up for excuses and for disappointment that may stop our progress.  Do you wait for perfect conditions before you commit? Do you let setbacks or curve balls throw you off course?  If we all waited for the perfect conditions, timing or feelings then none of us would get very far in any task or goal.  Don’t hide behind perfection as an excuse not to keep moving forward.  It’s in our failures that we learn and gain the most.  Without them, we wouldn’t even recognize success if it stood right in front of us.

BE MINDFUL and SET THE STAGE

I had to be mindful about many things when I committed to exercising.  I had to become mindful about my cookie habit, my late-night snacking habit and my “I don’t care” attitude towards exercise.  I had to be mindful of temptations around me that pulled me on the couch instead of my elliptical machine.  I had to be mindful of my thoughts about myself as my impatience set in.  I had to be mindful about the words I spoke and the thoughts I had.  I had to be mindful not to compare or allow excuses to take hold.  When we make an intention or commitment, we can’t ignore the old patterns, the thoughts that got us into trouble in the past and the baggage we carry that stops us from succeeding.  We can make friends with our new intention and say good-bye to old habits and mindsets.  To do so, we may need to set the stage.  I set the stage for making exercise a part of my life by first committing to taking the dog for a walk until the weather prevented me.  I didn’t let that stop me.  In the past I would have.  Instead, I decided to take my plan indoors by making my experience on the elliptical machine more enticing and doable.  I did this by purposefully carving out the time, watching movies while on it to make the time go by faster and by not looking at it as a chore but a choice.  This choice I can make every day if I want or not.  I know the consequences either way and that helps to motivate me. 

That said, if you handed me a genie in a magic lamp, I would frantically rub it until I summoned the genie to grant me 3 wishes…(1) let me eat whatever I want, (2) don’t make me ever have to exercise again and (3) let me always look fabulous!  If given 4 wishes, I might also wish to hang my elliptical up a tree!

The truth is, there are no magic genies lying around in magic lamps and life does require us to work for the things we wish to achieve if they are worth achieving.  So, whatever you are seeking to change, whatever resolution you’ve made or intention you’ve set this year, don’t just throw in the towel when things get hard, or temptations surround you or when excuses try to surface even if any of these things throw you temporarily off track.  Get back up, dust yourself off and start again.  Don’t let a setback stop you.  Instead, let it be a reminder that you have already made the first and most important step by just aligning your thoughts with the possibility of what could be if you truly put your mind and effort towards it.

YOU CAN DO IT!

Happy New Year!  Happy NEW YOU!

Sheri