Do you get caught up in DRAMA?...

Drama is an overreaction or exaggeration towards people, situations or conversations that are otherwise harmless.  It stirs people up, distracts people from the truth about themselves and others and causes confusion and hurt feelings.  There are people who start drama and people who play into the drama that someone else creates.  It’s often hard to walk away.  Sometimes it’s a challenge not to be the instigator as well.

Here's a little story from a child's perspective...   

Holidays and family gatherings as a child were always so exciting to Kristy.  Some stood out more than others and the ones she seemed to remember most were the ones that brought her great joy and the ones that brought about great drama.  As a child the drama of the adults was sometimes a bit exciting for Kristy to watch.  She remembered that her aunt Norma who lived out of town would often visit on many of the holidays.  She could never forget aunt Norma’s visits because even though Kristy’s family was dysfunctional, it was more so after aunt Norma left.  Aunt Norma had a way of bringing the drama in with her when she visited and then leaving it as a present when she left.  Everyone was always so upset when aunt Norma left and it wasn’t because they were going to miss her! 

Do you know anyone like that?  Are you like that?

As a child, Kristy often wondered how it was so easy for one single person to get an entire family so upset and distracted so much that no one could even enjoy the holiday they had gathered for to celebrate.  She couldn’t say that she completely blamed her aunt Norma because she saw how the entire family allowed aunt Norma to behave that way and somehow, aunt Norma figured out a way to get everyone all stirred up within a short time after she arrived.  Not hard to do in an already dysfunctional family. Kristy believed some deeper things were going on with her aunt Norma that caused her to be this way.  She was sure that her aunt Norma must have felt very uncomfortable inside.  Kristy saw her as someone who had no peace and was possibly starving for attention.  Kristy also saw how the rest of the family had no peace because of things her aunt Norma said and how they were all so easily sucked into the negativity and ended up behaving just as badly in the end.  She often wondered if maybe they liked the drama too! Kristy saw that everyone played a part in the drama and no one was innocent (well maybe just the kids who were gawking at it in the corner because they didn’t know any better). 

Most of us have several opportunities in week to get ourselves caught up in the “drama” of situations, conversations or people.  I find the workplace to be an especially volatile environment for drama to take place, but it can really happen anywhere; in school, at church, at weddings, at funerals, at parties, and even in our own homes with our own families as I have shared in Kristy’s story. 

So why does drama happen?

Drama is caused when:

• We overreact to situations, conversations or people
• We gossip instead of confront
• We blame others and refuse to see our part
• We refuse to forgive and become spiteful
• We make assumptions
• We confront from a place of anger and resentment
• We use any means to create a problem that didn’t exist

Some of the reasons we create drama are because:

• We want to make someone look bad
• We don’t like someone or don’t agree with them
• We don’t agree with the rules
• We want revenge for past offences
• We are emotionally unstable
• We want to feel superior
• We think we can or want to change others
• We are afraid to or don’t want to admit our own faults
• We don’t know how to let others love us, or how to love others or even how to love ourselves
• We can create a reality that doesn’t exist so that we don’t have to face the truth
• We want attention
• We don’t feel validated, understood or heard and drama gives us a temporary fix

It’s sad really when you start to look at some of the real reasons why people create drama. 

All of us are subject at one time or another to being provoked into causing or being part of drama.  There are some people who have become so caught up in living this way that having drama has become a routine comfort.  It’s an escape for them so that they don’t have to really look at themselves and make difficult changes. 

So, how do you STOP drama?...

• Don’t make assumptions about people or situations – you don’t know everything
• Be forgiving!  And do it often – especially with people who you find hard to be with
• Treat others how you want to be treated even if they haven’t treated you well
• Be helpful towards others – not critical
• Act with compassion and understanding towards others
• Stop blaming and don’t accuse
• Be honest with others and yourself
• Have integrity
• Don’t gossip!
• Learn to walk away – don’t join in when drama starts or if you start feeling provoked
• Agree to disagree – your opinion is not the only one on the planet!  Let others think how they choose – their reality is not the same as yours – be less opinionated
• Learn to harness your emotions so they don’t make you behave badly or say hurtful things
• Remember that you can only change you, your words, your actions and your reactions

I am pretty sure that people who have a lot of drama in their lives are not the happiest, most peaceful people on the planet.  They push people away and are probably pretty lonely inside as a result.  They probably harbor a lot of anxiety because they don’t know how to really connect with people on a genuine level.  They are hard to be with.  The good news is that any one can turn this around if they choose.

So, the next time you are provoked or tempted to create or partake in the drama, think about what kind of person you really desire to be, how you really want to feel on the inside and how drama can negatively affect the many people involved including yourself.  Think about all the energy that gets wasted when you focus on or create drama.  Think about all the problems, confusion and frustration it creates and how hurtful it can be.  Think about how you wish to walk away - feeling good about yourself with a sense of peace or feeling upset and insecure.  The choice is yours.

Sheri