COMPLAINTS; How many do you have in a day?

COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT:  NOW TAKING COMPLAINTS…

I am so busy and have no time for anything!

Life is so boring and such a drag, nothing good ever happens to me.

I will never make enough money for a new car, my job sucks.

My new car is a complete lemon and I regret this purchase!

I can’t stand when he comes over.

She never comes over, what’s her problem?

My clothes don’t fit and I feel like a sausage in them.

My clothes are too loose and they look like a flag flopping in the wind on me.

I want a new puppy but my dumb landlord doesn’t allow pets!

The dumb dog threw up all over my new carpet – I can’t stand dogs!

This house is too small, I have no room for anything!

This house is too big, I can’t stand cleaning it!

Let’s all face it, life is not perfect.  People aren’t perfect.  And just when we think we get what we want in life, we find out just how imperfect it all is and out come the complaints. 

How much time in a day do you spend complaining about the things you don’t have?  What about the things you do have?  What about your circumstances or your relationships?  Do you complain about them too?

When looking up similar words to the word “complain” in the thesaurus, you will discover words like…

Fuss, fault, grumble, groan, gripe, grouch, moan, murmur, nag, snivel, whine, wail and my personal favorite – squawk!

How much “squawking” are you doing in a day?

Much of our complaining derives from a few things and they are:

1. A feeling of lack
2. Fear
3. Comparing to others
4. Striving for material things or societal status (placing importance on the wrong things)
5. Pride (the wrong kind – see my blog from December 2020)
6. Perfectionism
7. Refusing to change or take action
8. Perspective

Examining the root of your complaints is step one.  Every day, life will throw triggers our way, always giving us many reasons to complain about ourselves, others or our circumstances.  We really don’t get much of a break! 

You may notice that people who complain a lot are uncomfortable to be around.  They don’t lighten the mood.  Conversations are heavy and negative.  It’s no fun being around a chronic complainer.  If you think you are so perfect, let’s put this statement that I once saw on a sign to the test:

“WELCOME TO THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT:  ALL COMPLAINTS MUST BE WRITTEN ON $1 BILL”

Dare to complain now?  I wonder how rich the complaint department would be and how poor each one of us would be if we all had to adhere to that statement! 

As always, I will share a few tips on how to combat the complainer within…

1. Focus on Gratitude and Drop the Attitude:  Start looking at the blessings in your life.  Look at what you do have, not what you don’t.  Appreciate your life, the people in it and all the little things you may be taking for granted.  For example, if you are reading this, you can be thankful for eyes and time. Work on your attitude towards the card you’ve been dealt.  When we approach our lives with a negative attitude or an attitude that we were somehow short changed in life, we will overlook all the good, small or big and the things that are actually going well in our lives.  What small things today can you be grateful for?

2. Your Problems are not Unique: - Realize that everyone on this earth has problems in one way, shape or form.  You are not the only one with problems!  In fact, I would wager to say that if you looked hard enough, you could always find someone out there who has bigger ones!  For that, you can be grateful (#1 above).  Have your problems become bigger than they need to be?

3. Own Your Decisions:  Many times, we complain about the things we created simply by our own decisions.  Your own decisions may have afforded you what you now complain about.  Every decision we make has a consequence whether good or bad.  Our decisions in how we treat others, how we spend our money, what job we decide to accept, how we do that job, who we have as friends, how we spend our time and so on, will carry with it an effect or result.  Why complain about this when it was your decision that started the chain of events?  Yes, people will behave how they behave and we cannot control that, but we do play a part somewhere in the mix and we have to take ownership for our part always.  Maybe it was a decision about not taking an action when you could have and now you have regret.  Whatever is at the root of your complaints, it’s important to recognize that your own decisions may have led you there in the first place.  Taking ownership of your own decisions means you stop blaming others, choose differently next time if given the opportunity or simply accept and move on.  What decisions have you made that are now a cause for complaint?

4. Words Matter So Choose Wisely:  A chronic complainer is someone who always has a problem that is unsolvable and heavy.  Even if a problem does get solved, they always find something else to complain about.  Many times, they have become so accustomed to complaining they may not even realize they are doing it.  They are unhappy, never satisfied and talk negatively.  How we talk about our problems and how often does matter.  If we talk with hope rather than doom, we are more likely to skip over the complaining part and move to a more positive playing field where problems can be overcome.  Complaining constantly about our problems, people or circumstances only keeps us in a victim role and doesn’t change anything.  We may even thrive on the pity of others if they are willing to listen to us long enough!  When you talk with people, are you always complaining about something? 

5. Change Your Perspective:  No one can make us choose how we think about things.  We are totally free to choose our own thoughts.  This means we can look at problems as opportunities instead of as roadblocks or disappointments.  It also means that we can choose to accept or embrace our circumstances rather than gripe or complain about them especially if they are beyond our control.  How can the things you complain about be viewed in a more positive light?   

6. Put Your Money Where Your Mouth is or Just Stop Complaining:  If you truly dislike your circumstances or the people in your life, or yourself, stop complaining about it all and take some action to change it!  That may mean you need to step up and do something about what you’re complaining about all the time. It might mean making a physical change or just changing your own thoughts.  Complaining about things or people never causes them to change, only action does.  Stop compromising, stop falling into the same patterns, stop doing the same things you always do.  Make a personal change in the area you consistently complain about that will bring you towards a more peaceful life.  If this step scares you too much, then maybe change is not something you are ready for, but at least stop all the complaining then and start working towards accepting your circumstances or the people you complain about!  How can you turn your complaints into actions?  Are you ready to make a change?

THE DEADLINE FOR COMPLAINTS WAS YESTURDAY.

Challenge yourself to go one whole day without complaining.  See if you can do it.  If that’s too difficult, then at least challenge yourself to start recognizing when and what you are complaining about and what may be at the core of the complaint that’s driving it into existence.  When you become more aware, try choosing a new reaction to the daily triggers either through acceptance or by making a positive change in perspective. 

COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT – CLOSED!

Sheri