A REMINDER TO BE KINDER...

Today the world is facing war, abuse of power, acts of violence, discrimination and a vicious spread of misinformation intended to bring out the worst in people by playing on our fears and creating drama.  This is happening on a global level, but also happening right in our own families.  Why?  We have buried the basic principle of kindness under the world’s many problems and pre-occupations.  We harbor or entertain toxic attitudes, false pride, fears, anger and judgements which lead us to be unkind with one another.

“Kindness is the most important tool to spread love among humanity.”

-RAKtivist

How can each one of us make a kinder world?

Start with Yourself and Your own Family

Start with yourself.  When you are kind and respectful to yourself, you are showing others how you would like to be treated.  As my life/leadership coach, Betty Healy says, “We earn respect when we self-respect”.  Taking the time to treat yourself right and give yourself the respect you truly deserve is the kind thing to do.  This may look like many things such as healthy eating instead of inhaling a bag of chips or eating a tub of ice-cream only to regret it later when your pants don’t fit and you have chest pain.  It might be taking a long relaxing bath after a stressful workday.  It could be asking someone to speak to you calmly during a heated argument.  Or it might even mean that you wait to respond to someone who has upset you so you have time to gather your thoughts, cool off and avoid a hasty emotional response that might make you feel worse.  Setting healthy boundaries with toxic people is also self-respect and self-kindness.

“You can cultivate mercy when you extend acts of compassion and kindness to yourself and to other people.”

-Bree Miller

If your goal is to love those around you, then you must work to love yourself first, which means acceptance of faults, shortcomings, mistakes and everything good or not so good.  It means you may have to think differently about yourself by embracing and recognizing your uniqueness, talents, and worthiness.  It also means taking the time to heal wounds and letting go of what no longer serves you whether that be negative mindsets or relationships that are harming to your self-esteem.  If you haven’t learned how to do this, maybe it’s time to reach in and see what is at the root of the negative opinion on yourself and work to change this.  When you aren’t loving yourself, it’s hard to expect others to love you and to accept their love when they try to give it.  

The next place we should be mindful of kindness is within our own families.  If you have not learned how to be kind to your own family, you may be ill-equipped to be truly kind when you get out in the world.  The consequences of unkind actions, words, or attitudes in families have a ripple effect and can affect generations to come.  Our families often wear the brunt of our negative emotions, fears, prejudices and skewed opinions.  Children are like little sponges soaking up these views when they are young.  Worse yet, is if you reject your own children or family members based on your own fears or prejudices. What message does this really send?

“If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”

-Mother Teresa

Family is a gift to be treasured.  Family should feel like our safest place to turn and a place where kindness if sure to be.  Sadly, this is not the case in many families.  It’s up to each person to break any negative cycles that plague families.  

Do you make being kind to your own family a priority?  

What cycles do you need to break to positively influence future generations in your own family?

Kindness with yourself or your own family can start with the words you speak.  Choose your words carefully when speaking to or about yourself or to or about others.  Choose words that build up and encourage, not words that are damaging and hurtful.   

Be Kind to the Undeserving

When you give kindness and respect, even when the other person may not be deserving of it, the message becomes clear that you are a promoter of peace and it is beneath you to pick and choose who you will be kind to.  This goes back to the golden rule and biblical saying “treat others as you would like to be treated”.  When you treat everyone with kindness, you are modelling an important value.  The way to fight evil in the world is with good, not with more evil.  If you want to spread kindness, show it to even the most undeserving, hoping it will impress upon their closed hearts and even if they don’t change, at least you know you have done the right thing by being kind.  You cannot control what others do or say, but you have full control over your own words and actions, so choose wisely regardless of who is in front of you.

“Be kind to people whether they deserve your kindness or not.  If your kindness reaches the deserving, good for you!  If your kindness reaches the undeserving, take joy in your compassion.”

-99 MotivationalQuotes.com

Don’t Judge 

Reality check:  Drop the pride, you don’t know it all; you aren’t the expert, you might be wrong, you don’t have all the answers; you have not walked in anyone else’s shoes but your own and who are you to judge, anyway?  This point may hurt some prideful attitudes, but in all honesty, if you want to break “out” the kindness, break “down” your false pride first.  The moment you judge another person based on their race, sexual orientation, religion, weight, gender, looks, education, income or otherwise, you have automatically allowed a lofty false pride to take priority over love.  Love is the absence of judgement.  It is pure.  You cannot be pure in your love for others if you are judging.  Judging puts your motives, insecurities, fears and ego ahead of people.  This makes for a very unkind world.  Do you strive to walk in love or discord?  You can’t do both.

“Do not judge other people, for you do not know their pain or sorrows, if you cannot speak a kind word, just Shut Up!”

-Author unknown

Let it Go - Put Peace First

We have all fallen into the trap of being triggered and engaged in a heated argument with someone who has opposing views.  Kindness gets thrown out the window and an angry exchange of words ensues.  We can behave especially unkind when we take words to heart or personally.  People all carry around personal baggage and sometimes misery loves company.  Some people purposefully look for fight and will do anything to engage in one.  

Watch for these signs in conversations and in people.  When you feel the boiling point in you starting to rise, back down or back out before damage is done.  To keep kindness at the forefront, sometimes you have to tuck away your personal opinions and simply agree to disagree and also realize the source.  Just because a person attacks your spirit doesn’t mean you need to retaliate or defend it to the point of causing you to act just like them or lose your peace.  

“Choose to be kind over being right and you’ll be right every time.”

-Richard Carlson

This isn’t about who is right or wrong, it’s about keeping the peace.  We are all guilty of these unpleasant encounters.  If you know you will be in contact with someone who easily triggers you, prepare ahead of time so you can remain peaceful and calm and know when to walk away from toxic conversations before peacekeeping efforts cannot be regained.

Be Kind in the World - Perform Acts of Kindness

If we truly want our world to be a kinder place, then each one of us can play a role.  When you get out there in your jobs or shopping or with your neighbors, friends or family or on your social media platforms, what actions are you taking to spread kindness?  Did you give a helping hand to someone today?  Did you say an encouraging or kind word to someone?  Did you pay someone a compliment?  Did you stop someone from gossiping or spreading false information?  Did you stop a negative post from circulating your friend group on social media?  Did you smile at someone or share a hug?  Did you give financial help to someone in need?  Did you give your undivided attention, time, patience, and love to your family today?  These are all just some little things we can do each day that are within our power to help spread kindness.  Obviously, the list is infinite.  

Acts of kindness do not need to be grandiose performances that get an award and are on camera for all to see.  Acts of kindness are the little things we do and say to the people around us every day, it’s that simple.  The grand award is a peaceful, kinder you and a peaceful, kinder world. 

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

-Mother Teresa 

It’s also ok to stand up for the “little guy” in the world and insist kindness from others.  If you see an injustice or someone is being mistreated, speak up and take a proactive action to prevent it.  Some people have no ability to stand up for themselves and need advocates who can promote peace and kindness on their behalf.  Teach others the importance of treating ALL people with dignity and respect by your own words and behavior and in how you speak up for those who may be powerless to do it for themselves. 

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.”

-Princess Diana

If you are tired of the reading the world’s news headlines because they make you feel upset, fearful, angry and that there is little hope, start examining your own life and how you can be more kind in your actions and words every day to those whom you come in contact with including yourself.  If everyone did that, the headlines might change.

“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

-Mark Twain

I wonder what kind of world we could have if each person on the planet were to apply these 5 basic principles for kindness.  Kindness is for everyone.  It starts with YOU!

Kindest regards,

Sheri