Have you lost your PEACE? … 

Peace… a beautiful, tranquil feeling, a calm like no other. Peace lacks worry or concern.  Peace is not anxious or bothered or bitter or painful. More than all this, peace is the pillar that keeps us stable during uncertain times or times of extreme difficulty. It helps us navigate the course with a calmness when life doesn’t go the way we expect or want.

How can you keep and create peace in turbulent and uncertain times? We are all experiencing a disruption to our daily lives as we weather the storm of an unprecedented world pandemic. Children are home from school, people are in self-isolation, lay-offs are happening, businesses are suffering, people are scrambling for basic items like toilette paper and then there’s the sick and the dying. Peace is a precious commodity at times like this.

In the best of circumstances, you may say you have peace in particular areas of your life or at certain times of your life, like when everything is in order and going your way. Having true peace and being a peaceful person are for those who maintain peace under any circumstance, good or bad and in every area of life. A peaceful person is not shaken by troubles and can sustain peace in all sorts of messy situations. This is not to say they never get upset or don’t experience pain, but they do so without losing the ability to keep a calm faithful attitude within to enlist in times of dismay. How do they do this?

To have this kind of peace, you may need to retrain your mind. I like this quote about peace;

 “Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.”—Wayne W. Dyer

REASONS WE LOSE PEACE and WHAT YOU CAN DO:

Expectations:  One of the biggest reasons we lose our peace is because we have an expectation about how things should be, how people should behave or think, how we should be treated and how life should go. Our expectations impede peace. Acceptance is one way to open the door for peace. Acceptance does not mean we have to agree or like our circumstances or the people around us or other’s behavior. We don’t, but we can still have peace. Peace will share space with disagreement, if you allow it to. You may have to decide that even if things aren't as you expected, you will remain calm and keep your peace. You may have to change or drop your expectations in order to do so. What expectations do you need to change or give up to keep your peace?

Triggers and Temptations:  We all have triggers and temptations that cause us to lose our peace. Even when we have worked hard at gaining peace and may have maintained it for lengthy periods of time, now and then a trigger or temptation can entice us to give it up. Each day, week and month will present triggers and temptations that can make us lose our peace. It’s up to us to keep it.

The unexpected can be a trigger.  The world was hit with the unexpected when covid19 took the headlines.  Many fears were triggered and as a result we saw mass panic. The ones who kept and are keeping their peace through the storm are able to navigate the needs, think clearly, strategize and plan. When the unexpected takes away our peace, we cannot think clearly; arguments arise, blaming happens, our judgement is clouded and distress separates us.  Peace is lost.

Temptations also cause us to give up peace. For example, a coworker may enlist you to join in gossiping about another employee and even though you know it’s wrong, you do it anyhow because of your desire to be liked and fit in. Now you feel terrible inside. You just offered up your peace because you took the bait. Don’t be tempted to compromise you’re values or you will also compromise your peace.  

Watch carefully and be aware of triggers and temptations that may take away your peace. Take a moment to breath before reacting and decide if your reaction will sacrifice peace. Your reaction is your choice. This is easier said then done of course, but with awareness you can learn to recognize triggers and temptations and react differently before they steal your peace.   

Loss of Control:  We can often lose our peace when we lose control. We can’t control other people, what they say or do and we can’t always control our circumstances. Sometimes we allow the smallest things that are out of our control to rob us of our peace. Controlling people rarely have peace and aren’t peaceful people to be around. When things don’t go their way, it shows. They become agitated and easily annoyed and unable to cope with simple tasks. If you have a controlling bone in you, I won’t lie and say it will easy to just "let it go”. It will take work, but often times those three words are the solution.  Can you “let it go?” Work on what you do have control over – which is only yourself and your own reaction. You also have control over whether or not you want to keep peace in your life and be a peaceful person. Sometimes giving up the control is our greatest path to peace.

Past Hurts:  Sometimes we lose our peace because we have an old past hurt that is being dug back up and exposed. Even when we think we are completely free and over past hurts; we may find out that those old hurts aren’t completely gone. It may take just one word or person or instance to bring it all back up to the surface. Before long, we are feeling dreaded old feelings we thought we had overcome. If a past hurt comes up and takes away your peace, recognize that it’s from the past and it doesn’t have to dictate your future. You are not your past.  You are whatever you decide you are today. If peace is what you want, then make peace with your past so it does not affect your future. If it’s an intense hurt that keeps resurfacing, it may be a sign that you need to talk more deeply about it with someone wise and work through the pain so you can let it go. Are past hurts popping up to steal your peace? 

Unwilling to Accept Change:  When we get an unwilling attitude to accept changes in our lives, our peace is lost. Change is a reality of life. We are ever changing, life around us is ever changing. Sometimes life changes in our favor and other times it does not. Even when life throws us change that is not what we planned or what we would want, we can learn to make up our minds to remain in peace. We don’t have to like the changes, but the changes don’t have to steal our peace either. We can learn to focus our mind to stay peaceful even in the midst of changes. What changes in your life are robbing you of peace? What are some ways you can keep your peace during troubling changes? Only you can decide to be peaceful during difficult changes.  One part of that is to work on your acceptance. Remember, you don’t have like or agree with the changes, you just have to work on accepting them if they are beyond your control.  

We may also give up our peace if we resist good or healthy change. Sometimes we need to make a change but are unwilling. We don’t want to live outside of our comfort zone even if our peace is at stake. This could be in the form of a job change, change in friends, a relationship change or even a change in attitude. If we are unwilling to make the healthy changes we know we need to make, then we may be trading in our peace. If complaining or unhappiness is taking center stage, then that may be an indicator that you need to make a change. What personal changes do you need to make to gain more peace in your life?

Blame and Unforgiveness:  Far too many people have no peace because they hold bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness in their hearts. This is like a cancer of the mind. When unforgiveness takes hold in us, it grows and festers and makes us feel sick inside. We can try to ignore it, but it never goes away and it robs us of peace when it surfaces back up.  

Forgiving has nothing to do with the person who hurt you, but everything to do with you! Often times, the person who hurt you is oblivious or doesn’t even care and are off living their life as if nothing is wrong. If you hold bitterness in your heart, you remain tortured by it. How is that fair? Who controls whether or not you are tortured by unforgiveness and resentment? The answer is YOU.  You can wait around for an apology or for the other person to acknowledge your hurt feelings if you want. However, even if the person acknowledged that they hurt you, you still have to decide to forgive or not. Rather than waiting for that needle in a haystack, why not just cut to the chase and forgive for your own sake!  

Stop letting the hurts change the good person you are. Decide that the person who hurt you is really not worth you giving up your peace for. You have control over your own peace.  You can decide to clear your heart today of unforgiveness and take back your peace. This decision does not mean that the person is absolved or was right. This has to do only with you and the peace in your life that you deserve.

Taking on Problems Instead of Taking Care of Yourself:  The last point to make about peace is really all about how you are choosing to spend your time and energy. If your energy is aimed at solving or taking on other people's problems or at the world's problems, so much so that you have neglected to take care of yourself, unrest will take the place of peace. You will wear out quickly and not be able to serve or help others in the fullest capacity and with the right mindset. Have you been neglecting to take care of your own needs? 

If you have ever taken a plane, you will know that the first instruction they give you should the oxygen masks deploy, is to first secure the oxygen mask to yourself before administering to others. This ensures you can adequately help others. The same is true in life. If you do not take care of yourself first, how can you attend to the needs of others?  When you have no peace in your spirit, you cannot give fully to others.

In regards to peace, here are a few final actions you can take to ensure you are peaceful enough inside to cope with the problems of the world.  Set boundaries with people.  Refuse to be a constant dumping ground for others to always unload their problems on.  Be a good listener, but limit time spent with "energy suckers" as I like to call them.  Too much negativity can sour your peace.  Stay connected and associate with peaceful people who are positive even at the worst of times and bring out the best in you.  Take actions for yourself that bring you peace.  This could be as simple as going for a walk, reading a good book, quiet or alone time, meditation or prayer and reflection as some examples.  What simple things can you do to bring more peace to your life today?  Just start with one thing.

Do you desire a restful spirit?

Peace is precious gift that resides deep within all of us. If we don’t tap into it and learn how to harness it especially when we need it most, we will not know how it feels to live life to its fullest capacity even through the most difficult of times. We will only experience frustration, fear and anxiety in turbulent times. We will live bitter, unhappy lives never knowing what it feels like to have a restful spirit.  The decision to have and keep peace is no one’s decision but our own.

Allow acceptance and perspective to change your expectations and your desire to control. Stop resisting change and start embracing the flow of life no matter how it unfolds before you. Work only on the things you have power over and let go of the rest. When you do find peace, don’t allow it to be shaken or taken by triggers, temptations, past hurts or unforgiveness. Take steps to keep it by taking care of yourself.  If you lose it momentarily, recognize and be aware of what prompted you to lose it and do the work you need to do inside your heart and mind and take the right actions to get it back and carry on.  

Peace out,

Sheri