Is FEAR standing in your way? . . .

Does fear prevent you from what you want?  Does fear stop you from being the person you desire to be?  Does fear cripple you in situations or in relationships?

FEAR:  False, Evidence, Appearing, Real.  That’s the acronym that comes up if you google this word.

Fear has stopped vast majorities of people from pursuing dreams, taking bold steps that lead to happiness, experiencing the blessings of life and from having confidence and a feeling of being good enough.  Fear is a direct enemy of progress.  Fear keeps us down and aids in our list of excuses for not doing things.  Fear tells us that we can’t do it, that if we do, we will have regrets.  Fear grows when it’s complimented by worry and anxiety.  They are all good friends and love to hang out in our minds where they can manipulate us into feeling like we can’t do something, like we aren’t equipped to handle the task or tasks ahead or even the outcome.

Here's a few FEAR CONQUERING STRATEGIES:

(1)  Do it Afraid! – This may be hard to do, but really it makes a lot of sense.  If we wait around to feel ready or if we wait for everything to line up perfectly before we take a step or make a bold move to do something scary, we will be waiting an eternity in many cases.  Feelings are fickle and ever changing.  We can’t count on them to be the guide of our lives or our lives will be a roller coaster ride of disasters and disappointments.  Our feelings can catch up to our actions, but when we allow our feelings to dictate our actions then we aren’t going accomplish the great things we desire to have in our lives. The result is regret, unhappiness, feeling like a failure, sadness and lack of confidence just to name a few.  Sometimes we just need to decide to push through the fear regardless of how it makes us feel at the time.

(2)  Stop Rationalizing Everything! – This is another sneaky way that fear creeps in and sometimes we don’t even recognize it.  When we start rationalizing our fears, we begin to talk ourselves out of doing what we know we need to do.  We mask the fear deep inside by rationalizing.  Here’s an example…

A woman was married to a man who severely abused her over the course of their marriage.  They had been married for 10 years and had a child.  The child witnessed the abuse throughout the marriage.  The woman was not very educated, her parents were not alive and her husband controlled the finances so she felt trapped and fearful.  She wanted desperately to leave and have a happy and safe life for her and her child, but the fear of leaving her husband was too great.  In her mind, she started to rationalize the situation so that she didn’t have to face her deep fear of leaving her abusive husband.  She told herself that she wasn’t smart enough or educated enough to make it on her own and support her child.  She told herself that it wasn’t so bad after all because her husband was actually a really good man and loved their child.  She told herself that she had no where to go, no parents to help her and no friends she could count on.  She thought about the nice house they lived in, the nice neighborhood her child was growing up in and the good school she’d have to pull him from if she left. 

Over and over, she had talked herself into staying, trying to rationalize why leaving wouldn’t work and staying would.  Underneath it all was a barrel of fear holding her back from true happiness and doing what she knew was the right thing to do in the long term.  Too often we rationalize things to death when underneath it all is a bucket of fear that we don’t want to face.  Sometimes we need to just have trust and faith and do it afraid!

(3)  Educate & Learn - Educate in the area or areas that scare you most.  Often times, fear stems from our lack of knowledge or understanding.  People fear what they do not know.  It can cripple us from moving forward. 

Even though I am a published author, I have many fears about publishing and many dreams about my future in publishing that cause me fear.  Those fears hold me back from what I need to be doing or could be doing.  I recently decided to kick fear to the curb and take an empowering course on Publishing.  This baby step was scary and I had to use all the techniques I am presenting to you in this blog just to register for the course!  But I knew that deep down, my fear was because of my lack of knowledge in an area that I know I need to become more knowledgeable in. 

What parts of your life cause you fear and is it because you lack knowledge or understanding in that area?  If so, find out how you can gain more understanding in the areas where fear resides.

(4)  Be Accountable to Someone – If we are left on our own to push through our fears, we may not always follow through.  Find people who believe in you, who want the best for you and who will be there as you walk forward through fears holding you accountable.  A good friend or family member or mentor could be just what you need to get you to take action.  Approach them with the idea of change and facing a fear and ask them to keep you accountable to take steps towards overcoming the fears that are holding you back.  It may just be one thing you need to commit to doing, but if you tell someone and ask for their help and support, you may be surprised at what you can accomplish and the relief you will feel afterwards.

(5)  Take Just ONE Action Now – If we look at fear as a mountain in front of us, we will be paralyzed and overwhelmed to move beyond it.  Conquering fear only starts with one single action or one small step.  The first step is always the hardest and seems like the most fearful to take, but once you get through that first step the rest is easier.  What is one step you can take today to move past your fears?

(6)  What’s the Worst That can Happen? Can I Accept That?  - Dale Carnegie wrote a book on worry and anxiety which as you may recall, I said earlier are very close friends with fear.  In the book he outlines that in order to push through fears or eliminate worry and anxiety, we need to ask ourselves “What’s the worst that can happen?”.  Then once we look at the worst-case scenario if we face our fear, we need to work on accepting it.  He says once we do this, we have peace and are able to focus back on the task at hand without living in fear.  So, if you push forward to face one of your fears today, what’s the worst that can happen?  Can you accept that?

Life offers us opportunities and blessings every day and it really is tragic when we allow fear to block our path to happiness.  There are so many unfinished dreams, unfound happiness and missed opportunities when we let fear dictate our path.

What fear or fears are you allowing to hold you back? 

How is fear standing in the way of your happiness?

Decide today that you will take one small step to face a fear in your life. Do it afraid if you have to!  Most of the time our fears never materialize anyway!  They really are just False, Evidence, Appearing, Real.

Be Brave!

Sheri